We sat in the restaurant observing a movie like scene playing out. Sigh…
He held her hand while he spoke. She leaned into him taking in each word while their gazes held.
So out of this scene each of us will interpret what we are seeing based on our perceptions, experiences, projections, conditioning, belief’s, assumptions, and stories. (our life glasses)
This is my story. Observing this couple, I am of the opinion that this relationship is fairly new as I am sure we once listened to our partners in total adoration. No matter.
Looking at this scene I note the following to SELF.
She is really interested in what he is saying,
She is present,
She values what he is saying,
She cares for him,
She is connected,
She is open to showing compassion and empathy,
She is listening and not interrupting or interjecting,
She respects him,
What he is staying is important.
Okay this list can go on, never mind the reality could be that this woman cannot wait to get home to conquer Candy Crush.
Now take another scene where a couple are standing talking in the kitchen and the woman interrupts all the time. She tells the man what he is stating is wrong and interjects with her own conversation all the time. There appears to be occasions where she talks right over him when he has not even finished. There at occasions that she walks away from him while he is still talking.
When looking at this scene in relation to the couple in the restaurant the logic is that the opposite exists. (my story, remember) She is not present, does not care for the man, finds the conversation of no interest, disrespects him, there is a disconnection etc. There is a sense that the lady feels she needs to correct the man and feels that her topic is far more important than his hence the interjection and talking over him. There appears to be a need for her to feel superior over him. (in fact, she feels inferior hence the need to appear superior)
Out both scenes I have used my ‘life glasses’ to create a story about what I am seeing. However, one scene feels like it ticks all the boxes with regards to communication and the other not.
But no matter how you see or interpret the above two scenes we as individuals want to be loved and appreciated. To listen and to be listened to will go a long way to improving communication between people. Being present to them and stepping away from your agenda will allow you to observe so much more and you will have an even deeper understanding on what they are saying and not saying. Things like the words used, the tone of voice, the speed of word use, emotions and body language will allow you to gain so much more on who they really are. We all want to be heard and understood.
You often hear people say ito a relationship that communication is everything. Maybe some truth is in this. Happy creating.